This is where i belong

Friday, January 18, 2008

i wanna thank my brothers of six, esp jz kor & aylmer :)
for being here for me always, no matter what.
Ervina & kelly, thanks for those random smses, shows how much i mean to you girls
Darren ng, for showing me stupid youtube videos just to make me laugh, cheering me up on msn ,simple text msges like " hey sister,cheer up:)" or suan me like nobody's business
Benjee, for taking so good care of me whenever i'm with you, & that ear piece to keep me accompanied :)
Venie, that msn chat:), i know you care, & i'm not forgotten
Diane mei & precious, those tags on my tagboards, knowing that i'm not forgotten:)
my beloved boyfriend, who's always giving in & trying to understand me

& most imptly,
espall mei, for knocking some sense out of me.
you still mean alot to me, & i do still have trust in you,
since 2003 :)

& to darling, thou this time quarrel was a tragic to both of us,
but i've learnt to understand more about our group,
more about you, & treasure this friendship:)

i just need these pple to be here, that's all,
to make my life a meaningful one:)
gonna get a new blog,
because this blog is filled with sad memories, don't wanna bring all thes into my year 2008:D

Yrays of light shine and i bade goodbye;
~~2:52 AM~~

right, when i said last post for this blog. i'm sorry.
just one more last post=)

maybe i'm the one at fault, being sensitive & all.
this friendship is too true to be gone,
there's still rooms for understanding & appreciations.
maybe it was me who acted on impulse, & caused a big problem.

when i said i didn't care, swore & promised that i wouldn't care,
maybe i was just too dumb to said that.
those only lasted like 1 or 2 days?
and now, i don't think i'm able to keep that promise
i'm sorry God, for breaking this promise & making an unnecessary swear
i know He will forgive me, i'm sorry.

after talking to espall, letting out so much things, tears have been shed
but it's worth it.
because at least we got our feelings cleared, all unhappiness shared.
she's right, why care so much about appreciation?
yes, & i haven forget anything , that She means more than anything else
much more important than stupid appreciation

She is someone i've held on to for who she is, not someone i want her to be.
She is someone whom i've accepted since the day we became friends.
She is someone whom i've gone thru miles with.

She is someone whom i can shout at, & get this stupid face from her

She is someone who went thru ups & downs with me, like a roller coaster rides, even thou she fear of this kinda rides, & she's always the down.LOL!

She is someone whom i can fool around with

She is someone who can make stupid monkey faces with me, accept me no matter how ugly i am, just like how i HAVE to accept her :D

She is someone who will share her pain with me, like dirts & creams.lol
& also someone who will clean it away for me

She is someone who don't mind my dirtyness, because she's one dirty fellow too.

She is someone who is as pretty as a flower, because she's clean & green:) just simply her

She is someone i HAVE TO carry, no matter how heavy is she.
stupid elephant.No matter how long the journey takes;)

She is someone whom i'll hold on to, & nvr say gdbye

.
...
....
.....
......
She is someone whom i wanna walk with till the end,

She is no other than

SHAMINE WEE SHI YUN

I'm Sorry

from the bottom of my heart=)

no matter who's right or wrong, i don't care anymore
i just want to salvage this friendship, more than a friendship
you're right, i wouldn't have let you go.

you're too much for me to let go, too important to bid a gdbye
sorry for my words, you're the first person whom i actually apologised openly to.
& i had to break my promise & swear
Sorry for not being there when you cry this time,
infact, sorry for making you cry.
i understand :)

yours truly,
darling <3

Yrays of light shine and i bade goodbye;
~~1:58 AM~~

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

my final post dedicated to you
i'm letting this go
when i said i'l hold on to this love, i meant it.
& now i said i'm letting it go, i really mean it too
there's nothing worth for me to look bck & hold on,
nothing

because there's too much disappointment & lack of appreciation
how much i cared for you & did for you, is can never be compared to how much you've done for me.
I don't ask for anything for return, honestly.
All i just want is simply, appreciation.
but 9 out of 10 i just got a plainly "thank you"
everybody can say that, even my 4 years old nephew.

words can be said easily,
" you mean alot to me"
yes, you too, means everything to me, before
but what i see myself in you right now, is jut a status of " bestfriend"
just a status.

i don't think i deserve this status.
you don't too.
you're no longer the one i'll turn to whenever i meet up with challenges,
so am i.
we're just lying to ourselves saying how important we are to each other.

in the past, whenever there's disputes, i'll shed my tears & yet saying i don't care
but this time, i can say from the very depth of my heart , " i really don't care"
i won't even shed a tear, i can't too no matter how much i force myself.
cause this faith i have in you, has already died within me.
i don't have much strength to hold myself up again, what's more to hold you up right now.
I've done that for umpteen times, & this time, i will not be behind you, for real.
because this is way beyond for any arguement or quarrel

i know it's useless to tell you how i feel,
cause for the past few times, it never helps
so i shall just blog it out, you to read yourself:)

and dear fellows,
this will be my very last post.
i'm not going to use this blog anymore:)
cheers:D

Yrays of light shine and i bade goodbye;
~~12:44 AM~~

Thursday, January 10, 2008

i'm in a melancholy mood right now.
i won't deny this, cause i'm really in the state of despondency,
the loss of courage & hope; dejection
especially after heading to Nafa to take alook,
i can say it's despairing.
i'm so stressed. right, stressed is the word.
i can't BALANCE things, everything
i hate it when darkness falls, & i'm all alone in the hall.
sunflowers & sunshine around you,
yet you're not happy.

this is how i feel right now.
i need supports, i really do.
this time, i'm defeated by sorrowness ):
badly.

friends, this is the moment.
thank you

wanna run away,

& hold nothing back,

just a smile :)

Yrays of light shine and i bade goodbye;
~~1:44 AM~~

Sunday, January 06, 2008

let me see, it's just 6 days & it has been a bad 2008 year for me.
a really bad starting from the beginning.

why isit that all these problems have to come all in one shot,

causing me a mental anguish soon

i shall name all in one list.

snowie ):

the one that i worried the most now. Brought her to the hospital in the morning due to a really bad diarrhoea. Doctor said she had a stomach infection, & it could be worse as she's still 6months old only. It suddenly struck on me today, if i've made the wrong choice of buying snowie in the very first place. I thought i could be a good owner, but i was wrong. I can't even spend a whole day with her. Every morning she'll follow me everywhere i go, & look at me as i change to either go work or out. & just stare at me as i pat her head, bid bye & close the main door after me. When close to midnight,sometimes even later, but no matter what, she'll be the first one i see when i open the door. & she will be jumping & barking at me no matter how tired is she. I've learnt so many things after hacing snowie, she's like my child. I finally understand how much difficulties & worries my mom has gone thru. Today i fed her medicine, seeing how she struggled & whined made me just wanna break down & cry. I don't wish for anything now, just my lil sunshine dog to recover. Please God, I only had 3 months with her, please, give me another chance to do my part.i've lost some very closedd ones, but please, not this time.. I don't wanna anguish over the loss of a loved one again, it's torturous.

you're my snowie, my only sunshine.

you make me happy, when skies are grey.

you'll never know dear, how much i love you,

please, DON'T take my snowie away ):

get well soon,please ):

Studies
i've wasted a whole damn year (2007) playing & playing. Really hope can enter Nafa, & do the best that i can in every way. I have to excel, i have to. I can't see my future, i can't see what's ahead of me right now ):

money
since young, i'm being pampered & spoilt by the ones around me, especially daddy mummy & boyfriend. Always getting what i want, without fail. So i never know the importance of money & the hardship of earning money. I'm always taking money issue as for granted. Till i started working & being the owner of snowie, i know how difficult it is to earn just a single cent. I always think it's easy for a beggar to get a cent, but what can he buy with a cent? How easy isit for him to sit on the floor infront of so many passerbys, adapting to the stares & pointings. Today at mac, i saw this lady carrying 2 plastic bags & rather frayed clothings. She went around all tables to look for clean napkins. & i forgotten i left my change on the tray, she took it thou it's only a 45cents. How we always throw napkins away & how she folded them neatly placed inside her plastic bags. How she treasured a 45 cents , how much it means to her ,made me feel like a lousy person. A poor may not have everything, but will do anything to get what he/her wants. A rich may have everything granted, but what's the point when he/her doesnt even know the importance of money.

friends
few of my friends, be it good or casual friends, they are facing problems. They're as troubled as much as i am right now. I wish i could be there for them, every one of them. But i know it's impossible. I'm sorry dear fellows. I can just be here mentally, maybe a text or ring?
i always thought making new friends & more friends will bring me more joys & attention.
But i was wrong, having more friends means lesser time for each & every friend i have.
& soon, a distance between my endeared ones.

few gatherings i'm looking forward to,
just a simple meet up & chill will be a bliss.

it's not the quantity that matters, it's the quality:)

you, one & only you
you're the reason why i'm here alone. We've gone thru years, miles & tears. Shared all happiness,joy & sorrows. How much pain & hurt we've inflicted to each other, & how much happiness we've granted to each other. Our life is like a story book, full of emotions,climax & characters. We've overcome ocean of pain, excruciating torments, exultant happiness.

You mean alot to me, but that doesnt mean you can take every moves forgranted & think i'll forgive you no matter what. I may be putting on smile day & night, i may be 165 cm tall, my heart may be the size of my palm, but i'm a weak pillar. Stop crushing me with sorrow & grief, i can no longer exhibit such great and unremitting pain or wretchedness of body or mind.

sick
been sick ever since my taiwan trip(9th dec) till now, getting restless & restless each day.
i wanna recover....

i'm on the verge of breaking down soon

see me fly i'm proud to fly up high
不能一直依赖别人给我拥戴
believe me i can fly i am singing in the sky
就算风雨覆盖我也不怕重来
我已不是那个懵懂的女孩
风雨来不避开谦虚把头低下来
你曾经对我说做勇敢的女孩
我不会孤单
因为你都在

i'm a big big girl, in a big big world.
It's not a big big thing,
if you leave me.
But i do feel, that i'll miss you much,
miss youuu muchh............. granny, where you

Labels: e.g. scooters, fall Show all Hide all, vacation

Yrays of light shine and i bade goodbye;
~~11:43 PM~~

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

happy new year,
welcome 2008

wow time flies huh? it's 2008=)a brand new year, a brand new chapter for me to carry on.
but i still have 2007 things to blog about, many =.=
2007 was a blast, totally

filled with fun,love,sorrows,happiness, regrets & definitely
friends :)
nyp cliques, venie & co,
chenty,vina & kelly whom i knew them on 2006(close to end of year).
it's gonna be our 2nd year, fast aye? :)

& 351,
since beginning of 2004, it's our 4th:)
espall mei, my very first best friend since 2003,
& till now, my dearest sister, we'll still stay this way :)

darling, you know i'll hold on to this love:D

& my brothers,
you guys are the best rockers!haha

boyfriend,
it's gonna be our 5th year knowing each other,
& years to go,

2007 was a blast? did i say that?
ironically, it wasn't the best year for me

so much to handle, love,friendships & rs
there's no studies, cause i have been slacking for one year! haha

& i know it hasn't been good for this person too,
not good at all.
He went thru' more than me, who am i to say pain?

let bygones be bygones, he said.
yes, as long as you're still walking along with me,
i know you'll not let me go, you better not.
you know i will fall without you, for sure.

& a year totally without them ,
i'm growing:)

enough of 2007, it's time to let go of this balloon of 2007
& welcome a happy 2008! =)
new year's resolutions,

be happy; everybody :D
more time with endeared ones
NAFA (fashion marketing)

; a morning dew on my windshield
Start each day fresh and new
Like rising sun on morning dew
Let the light penetrate through your heart
To purify it for a brand new start

new friends;old friends; everybody!
walk along with me ;)

Yrays of light shine and i bade goodbye;
~~9:15 AM~~